missing youth

the fact that i am not, now, at some Youth Conference down in Zlatibor (southern Srbija) is a testament only to my saving sense of last-minute judgment. that said, though: i nearly did the unthinkable, albeit with careful consideration.

my flatmates were not only planning to attend said gathering, but were full of all sorts of reasons why i, too, should come with them. somehow, in a list composed entirely of terrorising elements, no individual one leapt out (perhaps it was, simply, the sheer unanimity of said list) to tell me that, instead of listening attentively, i should, myself, be leaping—anywhere, as long as it was not in the direction of Zlatibor on a bus crowded with happy evangelical Youths, most likely singing the Praise 'n' Worship songs they love so well and by which they are known the world over.

if i didn't immediately decline the strong encouragement to come along as soon as the Frank Peretti-double speaker was named (in glowing terms), it was for the following reasons (your honour): after certain rocky patches in the flat, it would have been an objectively good PR move (on my part) to make like the communal dweller that i am not, and, thus, commune (by which i mean: writhe). i have been rather committed these days, since the explosion at NB, to doing the (socially) right and (ethically/integrally) disingenuous thing, so i figured that i could probably keep up the deception through the weekend. additionally, it looked like the whole trip would cost 10€. seduced by the cheapness and the fact that Zlatibor is not only in the mountains, but supposedly very lovely (especially in winter) and a place that i have wanted to visit while i am in the area, i concocted an unspoken plan that would rely heavily on me ducking out of key Small Group Meetings, Sharing About Your Faith sessions, and Alter Calls—in favour of hiking and other exploratory better-uses-of-time.

this was, however, several days ago. since then, i have managed to come to a more sensible grasp of my own limitations, knowing that i just could not summon what it would take—and after catching a glimpse of the conference schedule (extremely scheduled, perhaps intentionally and so as to prevent Youths from escaping into the hills), discovering that the price was different for "foreigners" (that it was still relatively inexpensive had no impact whatsoever on my infuriation at the gross prejudicial inequality which had, once again, seized power), and, in the interim, having had several unforgettable nightmares about HI-Ba.

after a moment of panic, in which it appeared that Daniela was, herself, not going to go (i must conclude that it was the look of alarm on my face, the cold sweat upon my brow, upon hearing of this new turn of events that resulted in her, later in the day, finding the energy after all), i am now in the flat with my favourite company—the inanimate kind. perhaps the conference would have been great rollicking fun. perhaps my faith would have been rendered Share-able and i have, thus, today, made a grave error.

perhaps my forked tongue will cease its unflagging activities—just in time to comment on the high, dead, and gift horses flying by my open window.