oversubtle sabotage (III)

i have become somewhat of a master not only of running after, and catching, buses in every sector of the city—but of getting myself thereon, despite the fact that, were this The Mitten, an indignant mouse would no longer be crying "no more!" to anyone trying to gain entry, because she would, most likely, have had those expressive outstretched fingers lopped off, either by fellow passengers or the closing doors. instead, and because i am not a mouse (although this practise would, i agree, be easier were i somewhat smaller), i have carefully perfected the art of being the final person to squeeze in, disregard the plaintives and the cursing, pull the doors (which would, otherwise, not be, thus, inclined) closed behind me, and bump along for great lengths, pressed between humanity and the smeary glass—and into immobility itself. now that i don't carry the computer with me at all times, the holds are even further disbarred. overcome with general (and partially stylised) misanthropy, the (highly illogical) solution is mine: to infiltrate and, thereby, conquer all of the forces at once. that they don't know they are being subverted and, even, believe that my squashed self is the losing party, remain inconsequential. the success rate climbs higher every day.

this afternoon, however, i may have miscalculated either my abilities or the prodigious resistance (never equal but always opposite) of those already on the bus. not being one to admit defeat until all the limbs are severed, i chose the longest interval between two stops along the entire #65 route to enjoy the scenery (not-exactly-speeding by, but, undeniably, mere centimeters from my face suctioned to the window), with one arm outside the moving vehicle and a backpack full of apples lodged between the doors. at least it wasn't my mouth caught there (a la one ungivenly-named Carlson, stopped mid-smooch on a Tokyo subway).

the evening papers are already calling mine "another brilliant success." and i find it hard not to concur, especially because, as of now, i have a whole lot of applesauce on my hands and a sure-fire double-quick method for mass-producing the stuff—all at little to no personal investment other than the vital organs.